Today at 6:55 a.m.
About four days before Olive was born I was walking around outside of our house in Chiang Rai when I spotted something strange moving around in the grass under a tree. When I got up close I was very disturbed to find a little sparrow still alive on the ground slowly moving with ants completely covering it's little body and biting it. I yelled for Libby to come help me and we moved him onto the concrete and tried to brush off the ants with a broom. We then took him into the house and made a little bath for him to get rid of the ants hiding under his feathers.
We sat there watching him dry off for about 15 minutes killing any sneaky little ant that crawled out from under his wings. The sparrow laid on the counter for about an hour not moving at all. He drank a little water when we gave it to him dripping off a cotton swab. After a while we moved him to the floor in a little bowl thinking he would probably die later in the day. We were happy that at least he would die in peace rather than getting bitten alive by those awful ants.
A few hours later the little bird jumped out of the bowl and started hopping around the house. It took us about 10 minutes before we could catch him because he started flying again. I then walked outside with him and he flew out of my hands away into a tree. I thought a lot about this verse...
“Do not two sparrows sell for a coin of small value? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father’s [knowledge]. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Therefore have no fear: You are worth more than many sparrows.” -Matthew 10:29-31
I was amazed that God cared enough about this little bird to let us come across him and nurse him back to health.
I've thought a lot about this situation and verse over the past five weeks since Olive has been born. It's come to my mind in those moments when God has felt silent. In those moments when I have wondered if He has even been listening to my prayers. When I have been overwhelmed and confused. Eventually He gently nudges me with the reminder that He cares for those little sparrows--so how much MORE does he care for Olive?
Our emotions have hit the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in the past five weeks. The simple fact is that God loves Olive even more than I...and all of this is ultimately out of my control. He can choose to take her to heaven, or to continue giving us the gift of caring for her.
He has plans for us which we can't even begin to imagine. I have NO idea what my life will look like in five years from now...or even tomorrow. If I sit and think about that for too long I can start to get pretty anxious. I've learned in this last month that life can change drastically within the hour. Ken Koeman wrote this to us the other day and it is so true..." have I mentioned that most of the time God does not lead us with a searchlight, but rather with a flashlight? Step by step, through winding paths…and slow."
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or even tonight. What I DO know is that if God cares about these little sparrows-- that He cares for us and the details of our lives...and that He is enough. Now only if I can just remember that in the darkest of moments.