the journey… 3 years in

Humidity hung in the air like a wet towel, heavy and drenched and draped over the clothesline of a sparkling jewel-blue August sky. It was the kind of day that makes your skin long for cool water and a swift breeze. An entire afternoon of blazing sunshine belonged to just me and my sweetheart, and we were on a quest to "get away."

We decided to take a walk and do a little exploring in unfamiliar territory. The sign read "state park" in the dead of summer, but the parking area and adjoining paths were bare as bones.




As we walked, the solid, cool path beneath our feet became lopsided sand, while our sweet conversation and casual gazing at the blanket of shading trees overhead gave way to silent and determined focus. Not only had our firm trail become shifting sand, it had become steep, difficult to traverse, and fully exposed to the heat of the noonday sun.








For quite some time, we hiked. With the heat threatening to smother our desperate lungs and sand plastered to our moist skin, we hiked. And suddenly, as we came over a particularly treacherous hill, we caught an unforeseen glimpse of total and complete heaven.




We had no idea of the beauty that our laborious path was leading us to. All at once we were re-energized and couldn’t move fast enough towards that water. And after a few more dune climbs...



…we were there.

It was glorious.




I could have stayed there for eons. And the heat and unexpected sweat of the journey there made it all the more sweet.

... ... ... ...

Today, I celebrate three years of marriage to my best friend.

I can’t help but think about how our hiking adventure that day so closely resembles how it feels to journey through life with the most incredible man in the world. Many days, the path is less stable and remarkably steeper than we expected, but in God’s goodness, we come over each precipice to see His hand at work in our lives: our son; our calling; God’s always-timely provision. And for a moment, we are propelled forward, catching glimpses of the purpose before us, stealing us away into our dreams for the future.

I love loving you, Jason.

I could stay here for eons. And the heat and unexpected sweat of our journey makes it all the more sweet.

He Knows

The nursery for our little one has finally moved into the stage of being ready for assembly and decoration. The closet has been cleaned out, the office furniture relocated, the walls have been primed and painted a beautiful shade of barely there turquoise-blue, the light fixture changed, and the drop cloths removed. Before my very eyes, this room has become THE room. The nursery. The sanctuary where my precious little one will be sleeping and napping and playing and crying out for mama. Each time I stand in the doorway of that near empty nursery, it takes my breath away.

Sweet Jesus, how is it that tears of joy come with such freedom at the thought of this miracle who I don’t even know yet? How is it that there is such profound love swelling inside of my heart with each passing day as I anticipate his arrival? How will I ever be able to contain my love for him when I finally meet him face to face?

And then it occurs to me: Lord, you already KNOW him. (Lucky you).

If I love him so much, even before knowing his face, how much more must our Creator love and adore this tiny miracle growing inside me? He already knows him. He has already assigned his future and his purpose.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

For 14 more weeks, I will wait to meet my son. But Jesus already knows him well.

Psalm 139
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

No words

Olive Hope Polinder went home to be with Jesus yesterday evening. Our hearts are filled with such overwhelming sadness as we think about the incredible loss Rusty and Lynette must feel after these long months of strife, heartache, miracles, and prayer. It seems there are not enough words in the universe to describe the impact this little life has had on our personal faith in recent months. I've been grasping for them for hours now, only to find an ocean of tears.

Olive was born at the end of September 2009 to her missionary parents in Chaing Rai, Thailand, at only 28 weeks, and suffered a severe intracranial brain hemorrhage. When we heard of the need for prayer for her life, something captured both Jason and I and latched onto our hearts... Perhaps it was the leading of the Holy Spirit, perhaps it was our sensitivity to these friends and new parents in need as we were desperate to become parents ourselves... probably both. And so we committed ourselves to fasting and prayer for tiny Olive Hope Polinder, oceans away but tied to our hearts in a way that only the love of God can explain.

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with a tumor in my brain that (among other things) the doctors said could keep us from having children. We were devastated. We stated our faith, sought the prayers of friends and family and our church, and kept moving on with life, but in all honesty, it was a battle we sincerely struggled with very privately. Especially me. There were many days that my faith grew weak and my hope diminished, and I angrily stormed the gates of heaven with demands to understand the unfair anguish that had been cast upon us.

And then Fall blew into our lives with its swift, cool winds, and one day we heard the desperate cry for prayer from the Polinder family. We watched our Savior perform miracle after miracle in Olive's body and our faith was strengthened... We were reminded that God can do the impossible. We were reminded of His goodness in all things, even when circumstances cast their dark and eerie shadows. Little did we know that in the very days that we first committed ourselves to prayer and fasting for little Olive Hope, a new life was being conceived within us.

We consider Olive to be such an integral part of our journey over these recent months. Today the words are hard to find and the tears come freely as we celebrate what her life meant to so many. When I meet her in heaven, I can't wait to find out if she knows that she restored faith in my soul and hope for my heart. I can't wait to see her dancing in the streets of heaven next to the life that I am carrying within me.

Olive's life was the perfect example of the very purpose of human creation: She brought glory and honor to God. We will never stop telling her story.

thirty

My husband turned 30 on Sunday. Dun-da-dahhhh... The big 3-0. And although I’ve only known him a fraction of his first 30 years, there are already so many things that draw me to him, that make me proud to be his wife. So, if you don’t already know my husband, here’s a glimpse into some of my favorite things about him. Happy Birthday, Jason Michael Davis. You’re my favorite.

Jason doesn’t have a sarcastic bone in his body (which I find admirable, coming from one of the queens of sarcasm and knowing that it is often used to disguise things we wouldn’t otherwise say). You can trust that what comes out of his mouth is truly what he is thinking or perceiving in that moment, and nothing else.

Even as a little guy, he was determined to fight for justice and for the protection of those he loves. He may have become quite familiar with the school principal, but he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind or to stand up for what is right.

Jason forgives. I have never met anyone who is so able to take the teaching of Jesus to “turn the other cheek” quite like Jason can. I’ve seen him take emotional and verbal beatings from people ranging from angry strangers to fellow leaders in ministry, and in the face of it all, he turns the other cheek and confesses love. When most of us would fight back with spitting words and fuming bitterness (and maybe even physical harm), Jason isn’t afraid to love the unlovable.

Jason is one of the hardest workers I know. What I admire most about his hard work is that he doesn’t just put all of his effort into his “job.” He puts just as much work into our marriage, his friendships, and our family relationships. He places such a high value on people, and feels not only the desire, but a deep sense of responsibility to live in love and as a good steward of the people and responsibilities in his life, both inside of formal ministry and out.

Jason is not afraid to admit when he is wrong. In relationships, he sees no value in being “right,” and instead seeks understanding and peace. One of the biggest challenges to this is when the other party does not place the same value on understanding, and yet even in those moments, he is capable of maintaining an objective eye. I am challenged by, and have such a deep respect for Jason because of his capability to say when he has been wrong. It is one thing to know it; it is another to confess it.

Jason does everything with his whole heart. He takes no shortcuts, and accepts nothing less than excellence from himself.

Jason loves vanilla ice cream. Kind of a silly reason to love him, right? But his love of vanilla ice cream is an example of how much he finds pure joy in simple things. He is not extravagant or discontent in nature. Jason finds happiness in the most simple things in life, and works hard to take nothing for granted.

In all reality, this list could go on for quite sometime. I really do have a great husband. His parents, and mine, have a great son. Our siblings have a great brother. Our church has a great pastor. One day, our children will have a great father.

Jason, you should be proud of the man your first 30 years have made you. I sure am proud to be your Mrs.

The Inevitable Question

Well, it happened. Again.

The inevitable question came up last night. You pastor's wives know what I'm talking about... It's the question that would make us rich if we had a penny for every time someone asked it (hey, I've only been a pastor's wife for 16 months and I think at that rate, I could be taking a vacation).

Conversation begins, continues, discussion of husband's job ensues. "Oh, a Pastor? That's great...."

And then..... right on cue:

"So, what do you do in the church?"

Silence.

"Do you sing? Do you do the kid's stuff?"

Silence. This time trying not to laugh.

**********************************************************************

Time out. Let's just say for moment that I did do either or both of those things, (which I don't). I still find it completely irritating that not only is that the first question asked when people learn that I'm "the Pastor's wife," but also that it's assumed that those are the roles (along with many others that no one speaks of) for any wife-o-the-pastor. A pastor's wife who leads worship or teaches children's church is a great asset, but no more an asset than anyone else in the church taking that role. In fact, I would dare to say that a majority of churches need their members to step up and quit relying on their pastor, board, and wives to do the work of the church. But that's another post for another day. Back to my silence.

**********************************************************************

I had to keep my mouth shut, for two reasons:

1. This poor girl didn't know any better than to ask what she did.

2. What I really wanted to say was something along the lines of...

What do I do? Well, I am the one who encourages my husband after his sermons and acknowledge the hours upon hours of work he puts into his studies for the benefit of people who find it more important to complain that he wears jeans or doesn't talk about hell enough (creepy) or that he should do this or that or this. I hug him when he is overwhelmed and can't sleep from the pressure of lifting a church out of the sinking mud and turning it into something full of life, or when someone berates him for "not being there" for them because we needed a weekend away (to celebrate our anniversary no less). I also play the role of a sounding board when he gets so angry and hurt over individuals too wrapped up in a power play to acknowledge and respect his leadership and decision making ability, and I encourage him to follow his heart when he has the make tough decisions that some people will never agree with. I walk the lonely road with my husband, and walks the same with me. We face disappointment together when people back out of their commitments to bear some of the load. I pat him on the back when people show up at our doorstep on his "day off" (which is inevitable, when over 100 people know where you live). We do it because we love it, and more than that, because my husband has a Call on his life, and we as a team have a purpose in the big picture... but that doesn't mean it's not work.

I didn't say any of that. I just said, "I'm a member of the church, and I help where I'm needed. Besides, you haven't heard me sing."

(Time Magazine wrote a great article on Pastor's wives, you can read it here).

A cold day in Chicago... perfect for fishies and history.

Today we took the train into the city and visited Shedd Aquarium and the Field Museum of Natural History. It was bitterly cold outside, and perfect weather for staying inside. We had a great time, and were reminded once again just how creative God is.

Happy Anniversary!

We had a wonderful celebration of our 1 year anniversary! We met up with my sister and her husband at a lake house in Lake of the Ozarks for an adventurous long weekend getaway. We had a great house with lake front views from every room. We loved our daytime paddle boat and rowboat rides, evenings in the hot tub, sunsets, and waking up to the sunrise sparking on the water.

It was so fun to share such a special weekend with people who are so dear to us. We laughed until we cried, told story after story, shopped till we dropped, did the "Old Time picture" Allison and I have wanted to do forever, and ate good food to no end (Especially our anniversary dinner at Baxter's, overlooking the water... AMAZING). It was a wonderful trip of relaxation and much needed connection. Jason had to drag me away kicking and screaming, and promising we will return! We can't wait to go again! We love you, Allison and Josh! Thank you for being such a staple of support in our lives and our marriage!

A Special Request...

Because we know that several of our wonderful friends and family use this blog as a way to check in on us and our lives, we wanted to take this opportunity to do a couple of things. First of all, we want to thank you. We truly feel that we have been given the world when it comes to our family and friends. It is because of you that we are encouraged day by day to be who we were created to be. Your smiles, your calls, emails, visits, thoughts and prayers have translated into volumes of fuel for us to press on in this journey… a journey of love, marriage, ministry… of life.

Secondly, we would like to ask you for your prayers. There are very specific things that we are in need of, most of which are emotional and spiritual in nature. While this is in no way an exhaustive list, we appreciate your prayers for the following:

* Continued discernment as to the steps that need to be taken to further develop a relevant and significant model of ministry for this church

* A local network of supportive friends who can share in the "trials" and loneliness of ministry

* Expressed support from the congregation ("Expressed" meaning action in addition to words)

* The heart to say "No." We are learning very quickly how easily offended people will become if we don’t do what they want, go where they want us to go, or do what they want us to do how they want it done.

* Thicker skin. In ministry, the encouragers are few, and the critics many.

* Creative ideas for how to best utilize our resources, both in the church and personally

* Continued health and physical well-being (particularly for Betsy as she undergoes some testing and exams)

* For God’s peace to give us the rest and focus we need to daily lead this church

We are so grateful for you. Thank you for sharing in our journey! We love you.

Early Fall Fun

We have enjoyed getting to know the city a little! Here are some pictures from recent visits to the Museum of Science & Industry and the Lincoln Park Zoo, a free zoo downtown. The zoo was great- the lions were roaring, and the polar bears were playing with us, swimming laps and coming right up to the glass. I even got a high five! We also had a great visit from Dad and Mama C! Their "grandoggies" miss them terribly!

Fall is settling in here, and we are.... well, Jason, is loving it. Betsy is trying to stay warm. The leaves are turning and the nights are cool, and perfect for walks. We plan to have a great fall!

Happy 29th Birthday Jason!!!

Saturday was Jason's 29th birthday! We woke up in Kansas City, after a few days with Dad and Connie, and then headed to St. Louis to celebrate with the Davis family.

One thing Jason has talked about since I met him is the fond memory of his dad always making homemade ice cream as he was growing up. He still asks his dad to make it when we go home! I decided that he should have his own homemade ice cream maker so that he can continue and create some of those same great memories for our kids!

Another of our great loves is roller coasters... We planned Monday to go to Six Flags, and drove 40 minutes to discover they were no longer open during the week! It was a very sad moment, but allowed us a full free day to spend with great friends!!

The Chicago Area's Newest Pastors!

Our Wedding! March 8, 2008

Our Wedding Slideshow: Part 1: Betsy

This video, and the two below made up the slideshow we played at our wedding. Enjoy a glimpse into our lives from childhood to the day we were united as one.

Part 2: Jason

Jason and Betsy: Part 3: Together

November 23, 2007: We're Engaged!

Jason and I went to Kansas City to visit my family for Thanksgiving. We had been talking about the possibility of getting married, and I was really hoping to someday be married in my brother's church in Liberty, Missouri. The church is beautiful, built in the 1800s, and the perfect setting for a wedding. While we were staying at my brother's house that weekend, all of us girls decided it would be fun to go look at the church, "just to see," with an eye for a "someday" wedding there. Little did I know that Jason had been working behind the scenes with all of my siblings for weeks to set up a perfect surprise...

The morning after Thanksgiving, my sister, my sister-in-law and I set out to the church, which was just around the corner. We chit-chatted all the way there, and went in through a back door that led us into the fellowship hall on the lower level of the church. I noticed a candle burning on a table when we walked in, which I thought was a little odd, but just continued looking around the fellowship hall to see what we would have to work with. It wasn't until my sister stepped in front of me and whipped out her camera that I took a second look at the table with the burning candle, and I then noticed a large sign that said, "Betsy, Welcome to Our Story..." On the table with the candle was a large hand-printed card that read "When We Met..." This was the first of four cards I would find, taking me on a narrative journey through pivotal moments in our relationship. Each was set up like the first, with a candle, leading me to through the church, and through a beautiful archway, to the exterior doors of the sanctuary where I found the last card titled "When He Proposed..." This card talked about a love story that would continue forever, and invited me to enter the doors of the sanctuary to see what would happen next. When I walked through the doors, I was in the back of the sanctuary, looking towards the altar, beautifully lit with candles, where Jason was waiting for me. I couldn't help but run down the aisle to him! At that altar, in the very place where we were united in marriage on March 8, 2008, Jason asked me to be his wife.

The Beginning of Us: How We Met

BETSY'S VERSION:
I began attending church at The Assembly at Broken Arrow, where Jason was on staff as the Campus Pastor. The night I became a member of the church, Jason came over and introduced himself for the first time to my mom, and sister and I. I had attended the church for several months by this time, but had never even seen him before. After he walked away, I received multiple bruises to my sides from the incessant poking of my mom and sister while they whispered with giddy schoolgirl voices, "Oooooh! He's cute!" I calmly maintained that Jason was "just doing his job and being friendly," all the while unable to force the grin from my face. That evening a reception was held for the new members of the church. When we sat down to eat, I secretly hoped Jason would join us at our table... He did. We all had a great time talking and laughing- and the next thing I knew, the reception was being torn down around us. We were the last ones there, and I hadn't even noticed. I was completely wrapped up in the joy of "connection." Jason piped up and suggested some of us go get something to eat (despite the fact that we had JUST eaten!), and off we went to Cheddars. Again Jason and I sat and talked- about everything from our jobs to pets to trapper keepers- and again we shut down the place. Being forced out into the parking lot, we stood again, talking. This time, with no one else around, we managed to stumble upon more serious matters- things of the heart- the type of conversation we both so deeply value. That night, I drove away, both of us about to go on vacation, with no other person on my mind. It was the beginning of a friendship that would change my life forever, the beginning of life with my very best friend.

JASON’S VERSION:
I had been serving as an Associate Pastor at The Assembly at Broken Arrow for 1 ½ years when we were preparing for the reception service of new members to the church. Before this reception the pastoral staff received a booklet with photos of new members. A friend of mine on staff, David Lermy, pointed out a woman named Betsy Whitsitt. Immediately I thought she was captivating. In fact, David and I both pointed that out in conversation with each other. So, that Sunday evening, before the service began, as was customary, I was greeting new members welcoming them into membership. I was stage right when I scanned the other side of the sanctuary for new members, and that’s when I saw Betsy. I went back to the picture that I had seen, and without realizing it, as if it were fate, I was already on my way over to greet her. I had never before even seen her at church, which is crazy. So, I approached, and as our eyes met, she smiled at me. If I remember rightly, I said, “Hello, Betsy!” I think I surprised her and caught her off guard. She was sitting next to her mother, Nancy, and her sister, Allison. I spent five minutes or so in casual and extremely enjoyable conversation. I walked back to my seat and when service ended, we had a reception for the new members. A few of our ministry’s leaders sat with Betsy, along with her mother and sister. I can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed being in the presence of someone more than simply sitting next to Betsy. It was unlike anything I had ever encountered. She was remarkable. She went with a group of us to Cheddar’s afterwards, as if we hadn’t eaten enough already, and got to know each other in a more laid back setting. When everyone had dispersed, we found ourselves in the parking lot, just the two of us, and I can remember not wanting to go home. I, from the first day of meeting her, could identify that there was something about her that I didn’t want to go without. It turns out that I was right; I don’t ever want to be without her.